When practicing Loving-Kindness Meditation, you
first start by sending loving and kind thoughts to yourself. Begin
by remembering a time when you were happy. When the feeling of
happiness arises, it is a warm glowing feeling in the center of your
chest. Now, when this feeling arises, make a very sincere wish for
your own happiness. “May I be happy”... “May I be filled with
joy”... “May I be peaceful and calm”... “May I be cheerful and
kind”, etc. Make any wholesome sincere wish that has meaning for
you, feeling the wish in your heart. The key word here is “sincere”,
if your wish isn't a sincere wish then it will turn into a mantra
that is, it may become a statement repeated by rote, with no real
meaning. Then you would be on the surface repeating the statement
while thinking about other things. So it is very important that the
wish you make for yourself (and later for your spiritual friend) has
real meaning for you and uses your whole undivided attention. Don't
continually repeat the wish for happiness: “May I be happy... may I
be happy... may I be happy... may I be happy”. Make the wish for
your own happiness when the feeling of Loving-Kindness begins to
fade a little.
Relax Tension
The following is a
very important part of the
meditation:
After every wish for your own happiness, please
notice that there is some slight tension or tightness in your head,
in your mind. Let it go. You do this by relaxing mind completely.
Feel mind open up and become calm, but do this only one time.
If the tightness doesn't go away never mind,
you will be able to let it go while on the meditation object (your
home base).
Don't continually try to keep relaxing mind,
without coming back to the home base; always softly redirect your
tranquil attention back to the feeling of happiness.
When
you sit in meditation please do not move your body, at all. Sit with
your back nicely straight, but not rigid. Try to have every
vertebrae stacked comfortably one on top of the other. This position
has the tendency to bring your chest up a little so it can be easier
to radiate the feeling of love.
Sit with your legs in a comfortable position. If
you cross them too tightly the circulation in your legs may stop,
causing your legs to go to sleep and this becomes very painful. If
you need to sit on a cushion or even in a chair, that is okay. If:
you sit in a chair, however, please don't lean back into it. Leaning
back stops the energy flow up your back and can make you feel
sleepy. Just sit in a comfortable way.
Please don't move your body at all while sitting. Don't wiggle your
toes; don't wiggle your fingers; don't scratch; don't rub; don't
rock your body; don't change your posture at all. In fact, if you
can sit as still as the Buddha image in front of you, this would be
the best! If you move around, it becomes a big distraction to your
practice and you won't progress very quickly at all.
While you are sitting, radiating the warm-glowing
feeling of Loving-Kindness in the center of your chest and making a
sincere wish, feeling that wish in your heart, your mind will wander
away and begin to think about other things. This is normal.
Thoughts are never your enemy. So, please don't
fight with them or try to push them away. When a series of thoughts
come and take you away, notice that you are not experiencing the
feeling of Loving-Kindness and making a wish for your own happiness.
Then, simply let go of the thought. Even if you are in mid sentence,
just let go of the thought, let it be there by itself. This is done
by not continuing to think the thought, no matter how important it
seems, at that time.
At this point there is another very important step:
-
Notice Tension: Notice the tightness or
tension in your head/mind, now relax. Feel the tightness open.
Mind feels like it expands and relaxes. It then becomes very
tranquil and calm. At this time there are no thoughts, and mind
is exceptionally clear and alert. Immediately, bring that mind
back to your object of meditation, that is, the feeling of
Loving-Kindness and making a wish for your own happiness.
It doesn't
matter how many times your mind goes away and thinks about other
things. What really matters is that, you see that your mind has
become distracted by a thought. The same method holds true even for
any sensation or emotional feeling that pulls your attention to it,
notice minds movement or distraction away from Loving-Kindness, and
let it go. Then relax the tightness or tension in your head/mind and
softly redirect your calm attention back to the object of
meditation.
-
Strengthen Awareness: Every
time you let go of a distraction or make a wish for your
happiness, relax the tightness caused by minds movement, and
redirect your tranquil attention back to the feeling of being
happy, you are strengthening your mindfulness (awareness). So
please don't criticize yourself because you think that you
"should" do better, or that your thoughts, sensations and
emotional feelings are the enemy to be squashed and destroyed.
These kinds
of critical, hard-hearted thoughts and feelings contain aversion,
and aversion is the opposite of the practice of "Loving-Acceptance".
Loving-Kindness and Loving-Acceptance are different words that say
basically the same thing. So please be kind to yourself. Make this a
fun kind of game to play with, not of an enemy to fight with.
The
importance of relaxing the tightness or tension after every thought,
sensation or emotional feeling can't be stated enough. When you let
go of this tightness you are letting go of craving. It is very
important to understand this, because craving is the cause of all
suffering. This tightness or tension is where our wrong idea about
ego-identification is.
Craving and the false idea of
self always manifests as tightness or tension in your head/mind.
When you let go of tightness, what you are actually doing is,
letting go of craving and the false idea of “self” or “ego
identification” with all of the thoughts, sensations and emotional
feelings that arise. This is how you purify your mind and become
happier and more uplifted, all of the time.
While you are sitting still, there may be some
sensations that arise in your body. You may feel an itch, heat,
tension, a feeling of coughing or wanting to sneeze, or pain. Please
don't move your body at all. When such a feeling arises, your mind
will immediately go to that feeling, let's say an itch or cough. You
don't have to direct mind, it goes by itself. The first thing mind
does is think about the feeling: “I wish this would go away”... “I
want this to stop bothering me”... “I hate this feeling”... “Why
doesn't it just go away”... “I want this to stop.”
Every time you entertain these kinds of thought,
the sensation becomes bigger and more intense. It actually turns
into an emergency in your mind. Then you won't be able to stand it
anymore, and you have to move. But the instructions are: don't move
your body for any reason at all. Watch the movements of mind
instead.
So what can we to do? We need to open up and
allow the feeling to be there:
·
Open up: First, notice
that your mind has gone to the itch or cough, etc., and the thoughts
about that sensation. Now let go of those thoughts, simply let them
be. Next notice the tightness in your head/mind and relax. Every
time a sensation (or emotional feeling) arises, it is only natural
for mind to make a tight fist around it, this tight mental fist is
aversion. So, open up and allow the itch (or emotional feeling) to
be there. Remember that it is okay if the tightness doesn't go away
immediately.
The "Truth (Dhamma) of the present moment", is
that when an itch or any other sensation arises, it is there. What
you do with this Dhamma dictates whether you will suffer more
unnecessarily or not. Resisting the itch and trying to think it away
produces both more subtle and gross pain.
We have five different things that make up this
mind/body process, they are called the Five Aggregates. They are:
Physical Body, Feeling, Perception, Thought,
Consciousness
As you can see feelings[1], are one thing
and thoughts are another. If we try to control our feelings with our
thoughts, the resistance that you have to this feeling causes it to
get bigger and intense. In fact, it becomes so big that it turns
into a true emergency (real unsatisfactoriness - Dukkha), and you
can't stand the sensation (or emotional feeling) anymore. Then you
have to move. While you are sitting in meditation, if you move your
body even a little bit, it breaks the continuity of practice and you
have to start over again.
So letting go of the thoughts about the sensation (or
emotional feeling) means that you are letting go of the want to control
the feeling with your thoughts. It also means that you are letting go of
craving, which directly leads to the cessation of suffering.
Next, you notice the tight mental fist around the
sensation, and let go of that aversion to it. Simply allow the itch
or cough (sensation or emotional feeling) to be there by itself. See
it as if it were a bubble
floating in the air, the bubble floats freely. Whichever way the
wind blows, the bubble will float in that direction. If the wind
changes and blows in another direction, the bubble goes in that
direction without any resistance at all.
This practice is learning how to lovingly-accept
whatever arises in the present moment. Now again notice that subtle
tightness or tension in your head/mind, relax and softly redirect
your gentle loving attention back to the feeling of radiating love
from your heart and making a wish for your own happiness.
The true nature of these kinds of sensations (and
emotional feelings) is that they don't go away right away. So your
mind will bounce back and forth from your object of meditation (that
is radiating the feeling of love and making a sincere wish for your
happiness) and to that feeling. Every time this happens you treat it
in the same way:
·
Let go: Let go of any
thoughts, sensations or emotional feelings.
·
Relax: Relax the
tightness, let go of the tight mental fist around the feeling, let
it be.
·
Come back: Come back to
your object of meditation. That is radiating the feeling of love and
making a sincere wish for your happiness and feeling that wish in
your heart.
Remember its O.K. for that thought, sensation or
emotional feeling to be there, because that is the truth of -the
present moment. An acronym that works very well to help as a
reminder is, "DROPSS" "Don't Resist Or Push Soften and SMILE".
Allow the thought, sensation, or emotional feeling to be, without
trying to make it be anything other than it is. Now, relax the
subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) tightness or tension in your
head/mind, and gently redirect your tranquil attention back to your
meditation.
After doing this for about 10 minutes, you begin
sending loving and kind thoughts to your spiritual friend. A
spiritual friend is someone who, when you think of them and their
good qualities, it makes you happy. This is a friend who is of the
same sex, they are alive, and not a member of your family. This is
for right now, later you will be able to send Loving-Kindness to all
of the members of your family, but for this training period please
choose another friend.
Once you start sending Loving-Kindness to your
spiritual friend, please don't change to another person. Stay with
your same spiritual friend until you get to the third meditation
stage (Jhāna). So you are sending a sincere wish for your own
happiness, then mentally you say: "As I wish this feeling of peace
and calm (happiness, joy, whatever) for myself, I wish this feeling
for you, too". "May you be well, happy and peaceful". Then start
radiating this feeling of love and peace to our friend. It is quite
important for you to feel the sincere wish and that you place that
feeling in your heart.
You also visualize your friend in your mind's
eye. For example, you can visualize your friend as if it was like a
photograph or you can see them moving around as if in a movie. The
exact visualization doesn't matter. But when you see your friend,
see him or her smiling and happy. This can help to remind you to be
smiling and happy, too!
The visualization can be somewhat difficult. It can
be cloudy or fuzzy, or a long distance away or it can be there for
just a moment and disappear. That is all right. Don't try too hard
because it will give you a headache. Some people can't visualize at
all, so it is all right to bring your friend into your heart by
using their name. You want about 70% of your time spent on the
feeling of Loving-Kindness, 20% (less or more, depending on what is
happening) on making a sincere wish and feeling that wish in your
heart, this helps the feeling for your friend's happiness to grow.
Only about 10% of your time should be spent on visualizing your
friend. So you can see that the "Feeling of Loving-Kindness" is by
far the most important part of the meditation, and the visualization
is the least important part. But still put a little effort into the
visualization. Eventually it will get better and easier.
This is a
smiling meditation. While you are sitting and radiating love to
your spiritual friend (or to yourself), smile with your mind. Even
though your eyes are closed during the meditation, smile with your
eyes. This helps to let go of tension in your face. Put a little
smile on your lips and put a smile in your heart. Smiling is nice
and most helpful to practice all of the time, but especially when
you are sitting in meditation. The more we can learn to smile the
happier mind becomes.
It may sound a little silly, but scientists have
discovered that the corners of our mouth are very important; the
position of the lips corresponds to different mental states. When
the corners of your lips turns down your thoughts tend to become
heavy and unwholesome. When the corners of your lips go up, mind
becomes more uplifted and clear, so joy can arise more often.
This is important to remember because a smile can
help you to change your perspective about all kinds of feelings and
thoughts. So try to remember to smile into everything that arises
and everything that you direct your mind. In other words, smile as
much as you can into everything.
The more sincere and enthusiastic you are in
sending Loving-Kindness to yourself and your spiritual friend, the
less you will experience sleepiness or dullness of mind. When
sleepiness or dullness occurs your body may begin to slump. This is
the only time that you can move your body and straighten up. But
don't do this too often, either.
If you see
your mind starting to dull out, then take more interest in your
friend; see him or her doing things that you truly appreciate. For
example, you can visualize times that they were helpful and
generous, or times when they made you happy and you laughed with
them. This can help to increase your interest and energy, and then
the dullness will subside.
Please, once you begin this meditation, start by
sitting for half an hour. The first ten minutes you send
Loving-Kindness to yourself. The rest of the time, send love to your
spiritual friend (remember the same friend all of the time). When
your meditation becomes better and you feel more comfortable, you
can sit for a longer period of time (whatever is appropriate for you
with your time constraints). But don't sit for less than thirty
minutes a day in the beginning! More if you have the time.
This is not simply a passive meditation to be
practiced only when you are sitting in a chair or cushion. It's a
meditation to be practiced all of the time, especially when you do
your daily activities. So many times we walk around in a mental haze
of random nonsense thoughts. Why not try practicing Loving-Kindness
Meditation whenever we can possibly remember? When you are walking
from your house to your car or your car to your job, what is your
mind doing? Ho hum, probably more nonsense thoughts.
This is the time to notice what your mind is
doing in the present moment and let go of these distracting
thoughts. Relax the tightness in your head/mind and wish someone
happiness! It doesn't matter who you send loving thoughts and
feelings to in your daily activities. It can be to the person
walking next to you, your spiritual friend, yourself, or all beings.
The key words here are to "send love", smiling and feeling that
sincere wish. Try to do this as much as possible during the day.
The more we focus on sending and radiating loving
and kind thoughts, the more we affect the world around us in a
positive way. As a result your mind becomes uplifted and happy at
the same time. Nice!
There are many benefits to practicing
Loving-Kindness: you go to sleep easily and sleep soundly. When you
wake up you wake easily and quickly. People like you. Your face
becomes radiant and beautiful, when you practice Loving-Kindness,
your mind becomes clean more quickly than with any other type of
meditation. Actually, the Lord Buddha mentioned this type of
meditation more times than he did “Mindfulness of Breathing”
meditation. So you can see just how important he thought it was.
The practice of Loving-Kindness Meditation can lead
you directly to the experience of Nibbāna if you follow all of
the Brahma Viharas: that is the practice of Loving- Kindness,
Compassion, Sympathetic Joy and Equanimity. This is mentioned many
times in the suttas (the original discourses of the Buddha). Many
times other teachers will say that this practice alone doesn't
directly lead the meditator to the experience of Nibbāna. And this
is true. But, when Loving-Kindness Meditation is practiced as part
of the Brahma Viharas then it will take the meditator to the fourth
Jhāna or meditation level. This is where the Lord Buddha tried to
have all of the students who practiced meditation get to. The fourth
meditation level is where the meditator experiences deep states of
equanimity.
According to the suttas, there are three different
paths that can be taken once the meditator reaches this level. They can
take one directly to the experience of Nibbāna. We will not go into more
detail at this time, because it may cause some confusion. But if you are
interested, in having more information please start reading suttas like
sutta 62 The Maharchulovada Sutta in the Middle Length Discourses of the
Buddha. Or you can read sutta 27
The Culahatthipadopama Sutta in the same book. I sincerely hope that
these meditation instructions are helpful to you and that by practicing
in this way you will benefit greatly and lead a truly happy and healthy
life.
Now, as the custom is after every sharing of
dhamma, let us share some merit for listening and doing the good
work of purifying our minds, so we may all, truly be happy!
May
suffering ones, be suffering free
And the fear-struck,fearless be
May
the grieving shed all grief
And may all beings find relief.
May all beings share this
merit that we have thus acquired
For the acquisition of all kinds of happiness.
May beings inhabiting space and earth
Devas and nagas of mighty power
Share this merit of ours.
May they long protect the
Lord Buddha's dispensation.
Sadhu ... Sadhu... Sadhu...
Footnote:
Berlin-1 Apr 09
Bogor Dec 10
Vietnamese