Hi, I have been attempting to practice according to this approach for about a month now. I've definitely seen some change in my outlook and a general bouysny in my mood. More outgoing and demonstrative in relationship.
There are however a few niggles, and I wonder if you could provide some feedback or guidance.
The approach claims to be based in suttas, yet I haven't come across a place in suttas where Buddha describes a path of practice of focusing on personalities for a period of time and sticking with a particular person. I believe this is most definitely a vishuddhimagga practice? I find it almost impossible not to do such a practice and not have a degree of tension or craving come in the practice and/or a kind of one pointed type of concentration. I find the practice much easier to connect with when I reframe it as 'wise reflection', in my daily life. I am more concerned here with the citta being benevolent, drawing on sati to monitor degree of Mettā or lack of, and using wholesome reflection to balance and restablish in happiness and joy. Here, the content is free to change from person to person, situation to situation - I'm not concerned to focus on anything in particular, but rather, as V. Vimalaramsi suggests, observe how the mind moves from object to object, (and the quality of the citta).
I don't quite get the spiritual friend part. I pick a person who meets all the criteria (again, from the vishuddhimagga - not same sex, alive, not a friend or family) and sometimes do not connect with the personality. Sometimes I do, and that is beautiful, but at other times, I wonder whether it would be more fruitful to change to anotjer person who is bringing up that feeling of Mettā. When it is said stay with the same person until jhāna, that suggest to me a degree of inflexibility and the kind of one pointed focus that would seem at odds with the whole approach. Can you speak to this?
It is described that 75 percent feeling of Mettā, 20 percent verbal, and 5 percent image. When I practice in this way during formal practice, I often find that I can sit withxa benevolent feeling without having to verbalise or picture anyone in particular. I find myself bringing to mind people (myself, spiritual friend) because I ought to be doing). The 6rs seems adequate to me to establish me in a fundamental, i.e 'root/hetu' condition of benevolence or Mettā. The other steps are feeling superfluous and a little forced.
I apologise if my comments seem long winded. I appreciate any thoughts,reflections, suggestions, musings or other sharing on this.
With Mettā
Greetings Martin
Yes the Spiritual Friend practice was taken from Visuddhi Magga but it is practiced a little differently here. Bhante found that before we could go to directions as prescribed in the suttas it is helpful to focus on just one person. Why - because our metta is weak. Radiating to directions dissapates to much. The key in the suttas is first you will soon start directions which is the sutta practice- and the most important thing is you will practice right effort which is the 6Rs- using the tranquilize step prescribe from the satipatthana sutta and the anapanasati sutta. The Relax or Tranquilize is NOT found anywhere but the suttas and it is the key to realizing nibbana.
Don't overthink the spiritual friend part. Just pick a friend and then just stay with them. After awhle the mind will become "glued" to them and it will be very easy to bring up some metta. Doesn't have to be a huge amount- just enough to notice it. AND importantly when the mind moves away you 6R - when that is successful the metta increases and eventually you enter the jhana - which can happen very quickly if you are following instructions exactly. Staying with one person is not the same as concentrating on an object. You stay with one person to develop -not concentration but still a type of collectedness - Unification of mind. Yes there is unification there- but that is different then concentration. You have to trust me on that.
3. You can't just let your mind drift to anyone you like as that is just more monkey mind distracting you. Use a 6R if you find yourself jumping around and don't do that.
Give it some time and try a guided meditation to get the hang of it. We are doing a retreat here at DSMC right now and most students are already in the 4th jhana after only 6 days - so when instructions are followed then it will work. Smile more - that just works.
Read and listen to all the videos.
David😀