Can't Get the Feeling to come up? Some tips and tricks from other meditators
|
I just can't get this feeling to come up - or if it does, it is too weak. What am I doing wrong? When meditators first start out there can be difficulty with bringing up that warm glowing feeling of lovingkindness. Here are some ideas from other meditators that may help. |
Easily overcome this issue by carefully following instructions. It shouldn't take a year to do this - a month or two practicing at home and your practice should deepen considerably - retreats in just a few days.
Why does the feeling not come up?
1. We aren't generating a SINCERE feeling. We don't mean it. You must really have the desire for your friend to be happy. Not just a saying of the phrases with no meaning. Don't worry about where the feeling is - just get to the sincerity of the feeling and it will be wherever it will be. Don't try to make it be in your chest.
2. Can't bring up the feeling - then remember a time when you did feel lovingkindness to a pet or a baby or anything at all. Stay with that memory for awhile and then surround your spiritual friend with the feeling.
3. When you say phrases just use them as reminders of the feeling of lovingkindness. Don't say them without a purpose. That is definitely the wrong way and leads away from the goal. Then they are just empty words.
4. Stop trying so hard to make it happen. Gently, gently.
5. Smile the entire sitting and smile into the wish. Smile throughout the day. Smile not only with your lips but also your mind and through your eyes. Again, be sincere.
6. Have another look at the instruction videos and books.
7. laugh a little if you just get frustrated. It's ok - takes time to understand.
More tips from Prashant post on the Dhamma Sukha Yahoo Discussion group:
Noticing the feeling:
I have seen other people have difficulty with noticing the feeling also. Keyword is noticing. When the loving kindness is there, the feeling is there. You are just not able to notice it. That's all :-)
When I switched to TWIM, about 3.5 years ago, I recall that the feeling was a bit faint in the beginning. Also, at that time, it wasn't there for a long time. It would be there and then it would fade and then would come back as I work through 6R. Also, "priming the pump" a little through phrases and imagination helps to bring it back.
Here are some suggestions:
It is very likely that you are not noticing the feeling because the mind is either not calm enough or not alert enough. You can try a few things to build those:
Noticing the feeling:
I have seen other people have difficulty with noticing the feeling also. Keyword is noticing. When the loving kindness is there, the feeling is there. You are just not able to notice it. That's all :-)
When I switched to TWIM, about 3.5 years ago, I recall that the feeling was a bit faint in the beginning. Also, at that time, it wasn't there for a long time. It would be there and then it would fade and then would come back as I work through 6R. Also, "priming the pump" a little through phrases and imagination helps to bring it back.
Here are some suggestions:
It is very likely that you are not noticing the feeling because the mind is either not calm enough or not alert enough. You can try a few things to build those:
- Sit and meditate when you are already feeling very balanced and calm.
- Try to go in situations where you are surrounded by metta from others or having a feeling of metta yourself is natural. With pets, with kids, with friends, out in nature, caring for others, planning parties, art and music etc. Even if you don't notice the feeling of metta during those situations, it may help to build up that channel, so to speak.
- Meet with teachers or sangha in person; or do a physical retreat. Sometimes, it's easier to rub this off of others :-)
- There may be other things disturbing your mind e.g. Stress, past emotions issues etc (sometimes they can be hidden). Talking about those with a trusted friend or taking therapy may help. Check with DSMC to see if you should try forgiveness meditation. They offer online forgiveness retreats. Or just get Bhante's book and try it from Amazon.
- Alertness may not be developed. You may want to try different postures. Have good rest, proper sleep, drink plenty of water and do a regular vigorous exercise to build alertness.
- Try sitting longer. Different people are different. For some, it takes longer to settle down. In longer span of time, you may be able to catch a calm and alert state.
- Try to sit still (as much as possible). You won't develop unless you sit completely still for the 30 minute minimum sitting time.
- Try doing Metta for yourself a little longer.
- See if you are able to notice the feeling even a little bit. That's victory already. It will build up over time :-)
- Don't worry about day to day progress too much. Progress is never a straight line.
- As your practice develops, it will be very natural and convenient to practice meditation while working. Also, you will feel that you have more spare cycles (even while talking or working).
Refresh your practice with a fresh look at the 26 min video 6R and Metta directions here
Remember to Smile - this brings up a wholesome state!
Trying too hard?? Go here
